Last season at Girls on the Run, we had a lesson about negative self talk. And we discussed how girls are particularly bad at this behavior.
Negative self talk is just like it sounds – telling yourself negative things you believe to be true. And for us girls, most negative self talk revolves around the way we look.
“I’m not pretty enough”, “I’m not skinny enough”, “My thighs are too big”, “My hair is too short”, etc.
The reason why I am telling you about this, is because yesterday I had a very bad negative self talk day. And it all began in the fitting room at Lululemon.
My boyfriend and I stopped by Lulu so I could buy some new treats to replace items I had returned for Christmas. I stepped into the fitting room, and tried on some of those tight booty shorts. I thought they would be good for spin.
Well…..that was a big mistake. I couldn’t even step foot out of the room in those babies. I was appalled. I was starting at my legs in disgust, and could not stop looking at spots of cellulite on my thighs. How did I run 10 miles that morning, and have cellulite on my legs?!?
The above situation was step one of the breakdown. After this, I started staring at myself in the mirror even more, and noticed two lovely blemishes smack dab on my forehead.
So the count for negative self talk comments now stands at 2.
1. Cellulite
2. Acne
Then it got worse.
I finally gathered the courage to walk out of the fitting room wearing a striped tank, and running tights. I wanted to get some feedback from the boyfriend and see if he liked it.
So his response?
“I like the pants, but I am not sure the stripes on that tank are quite your thing”.
Yeah….that sent me over the edge.
Now I was battling cellulite, acne and unflattering stripes. And my poor boyfriend was just trying to be helpful when he told me the truth (now he has learned to first find out if I like it, then offer an opinion).
I got dressed (after starting at the cellulite again), and stormed out the of fitting room. Ramsey was semi oblivious and asked if I was ready.
“No, I am NOT ready! Because I have to find a top that flatters me!!!!”.
Whoa. I just snapped at my boyfriend in Lulu, after having a meltdown in the fitting room. What an eventful afternoon.
Finally, I pulled myself together, stopped pouting, and picked out another top that was “my thing”. Then I came clean to Ramsey about why I was freaking out. Of course he was supportive as always, and told me all the reasons why I have n0thing to worry about. It was sweet.
He is so amazing. He will give me a pep talk, AND photoshop my zits out of our pictures!!!
Moral of this story: Negative self talk sucks. It is not productive, and not beneficial. It is also very unhealthy. And I must find a way to overcome it.
I am always good at talking my friends off a ledge when they are feeding their brains with negative self talk, and I am also good at teaching my Girls on the Run girls that they should not be critical of themselves. But for some reason when it comes to me, sometimes I just can’t get those bad thoughts out of my head.
Today, I am much better and feeling quite happy. But I know that it’s only a matter of time until the negative self talk comes back, and I have another meltdown (hopefully not in a Lulu fitting room!!).
At breakfast this morning with my Mom and Aunt, sporting my new Lulu pullover.
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Now I ask you – how do you deal with negative self talk?
And how do you love yourself for everything you are, instead of focusing on the things you are not?
xoxo,
Ali
I hate to feed the negative feelings here, but I look tired and dumpy in this picture. Could you please have Ramsey photoshop me, too??
I love your zits, cellulite (which I have never seen on you!) and anything else you might feel the need to criticize. And I love that you have someone in your life that finds your “imperfections” beautiful!
And I think you look beautiful! Sad that Aunt Holly wrote me back after I posted that photo and told me to crop her fat rolls next time. What is wrong with us girls?!?!
I don’t know a girl that doesn’t struggle with self talk – it seems impossible to avoid.
My best way to shut it down though is to say my body is beautiful because of what it can do. My big thighs have muscle to help my power up hills and run fast (for me). My not-so-beautiful feet take a pounding and carry me far. It helps me to put it all in perspective 🙂
Great post Ali! Sometimes the hardest thing is taking your own good advice you give to everyone else, I never seem to be able to do that. When I negative talk about myself I just have to try and push out all those negatives with a bunch of positives and focus on those. 🙂
Oh booty shorts — they can really be the downfall of ANY woman (seriously – who can wear them??).
At least you snapped back quickly! Negative self talk is inevitable and is what makes us human, but it’s what we do with it that counts. Glad you are feeling better!
I have SO been there. I swear, fitting room lighting brings out the worst in all of us! I try to just remind myself of all my body is capable of. I’ve found that I have much more body confidence and don’t get nearly as hard on myself as I used to now that I’m so active and can reflect on everything my body can do. Running my first half-marathon was such a body-empowerment moment! It’s one of the reasons I love running 🙂
Ummm! Like this post because it’s so relatable. I mean I was cleaning up my facebook last week and wanted to kill myself when viewing some old college day photos but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And I love that Ramsey can photo shop the gross stuff out. Perfect answer, bonus points to Ramsey for that!!
This is a great post, something I think everyone can relate too! The negative self talk is horrible, it makes us lose our self confidence and focus on the things we hate. How often do we say positive things about our bodies? I know for me, it’s not often enough, and that needs to change.
I love how honest you were here about what happened…because in reality, I believe we ALL do this. We just don’t really talk about it or share it with anyone. This pretty much sounds like the story of my life when it comes to trying on clothes, etc. But I know, in some ways, that some of it is true (if that makes sense) and that I can control, at least part of it, by making better decisions with what I eat, etc. But also, at some point, I know I have to just accept what I have and be happy that I can run and do so many things that I love 🙂
Aww I know that feeling so well! And it always happens in Lululemon dressing rooms, haha! I think because their clothes run small and it always depresses me. But like you said, I try to remind myself that my legs can take me many many miles and I am thankful for that. Smile girl!! You are strong and beautiful!! 🙂
I read this post awhile back and forgot about it until I visited Lulu today. Sure enough, I found myself in the same situation! I wanted to cry, but then I remembered reading this and calmed down. Instead, I asked for a size up which made a big difference. Thank you for posting this!
Nice post! Here is my review of Lululemon clothing as well! LOVE IT http://afterallissaidanddunn.blogspot.com/2013/04/lululemon-clothing-is-made-of-magic.html